It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
