I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
