I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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