i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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