She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
