happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
