My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
