Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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