ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
