Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
