I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
