He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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