Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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