dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
