she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
