I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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