you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
