I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
