I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
