My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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