Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
