the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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