I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
