I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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