I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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