so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
