I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
