She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
