I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
