so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
