it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
