How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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