I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
