It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
