Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just googled if crying burns calories
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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