I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize