I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
