I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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