I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
