I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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