And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
