i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
