Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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