Your tits are I can't wait for
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
