She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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