I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
