Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
