what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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