3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
