I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do vagina's smell?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
