idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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