I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
