Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My ass is underappreciated
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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