I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so that wasnt chicken after all
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
