Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize