whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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