I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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