Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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