yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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