Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
nutella sex= disaster
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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