I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
