I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
