She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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