I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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