I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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