from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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