That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
