Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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