Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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