dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
