i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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