This beer is not sobering me up at all
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
