I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I checked into jail on foursquare
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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